Geyser Notes

A geyser groupie is someone who has developed a liking for geyser activity, and has spent more time in the park than your average visitor. They've spent enough time to know a few things, to have witnessed an usual eruption or two, and to have met a number of people who spend a lot more time in the park. It's also a pejorative term.

One of the reasons for my antipathy to geyser groupies is the asymmetry of the relationship. I've been going to the park, often spending weeks or months at a time there, for three decades now. Your typical geyser groupie will spend a week or two a year, and maybe a holiday weekend. During any season, there are lots of weeks and several holidays, so there is a constant turnover of groupies. Many know of me or remember me, but to me they are just part of a faceless blur that's made little impression on me over the years. (Those that have made a positive impression usually graduated from being groupies…) So I am constantly being greeted by people who I don't recognize or whose name I don't know.

Another asymmetry is that groupies are almost useless to me, but I can be useful for them. My not having visited the park for a number of years, and having radios, seems to have broken them of the habit of greeting me with "When did Grand erupt?" But the radios also demonstrate an asymmetry in which I refuse to participate.

It used to be that if you really wanted to see one of the more unusual geysers (even one as common as Beehive), meant that you had to put some effort into waiting and in waiting in adverse conditions. Now days I see too many people who seem to appear out of nowhere at the announcement of "river pause", or "indicator" or "water in Mastiff". These are groupies who are letting others do their waiting for them, only scurrying out when a wait can be minimized. (Nothing wrong with that, I scurry as much as anyone. On the other hand, I've waited more than most anyone.)

Fortunately, and perhaps I shouldn't mention it, but despite this ease of geyser gazing, the number of people out and about in less than ideal conditions really hasn't changed. Your typical geyser groupie keeps regular business hours, never to be seen on a cold morning, a damp evening and especially at night. One way for a groupie to earn some respect is to go out in those conditions, and not in a herd, either.

Here's what I don't like, and what has triggered this little diatribe: I've been plopping myself at essentially the same spot at Grand for close to three decades now. The reason for that is that it's where I've found I can best take my observations at day and at night, and be consistent. It's "my spot" and I'll be damned if I'm going to be driven away from it.

So what seems to happen far to often is that a second person or a friend sits down there near me to strike up a useful conversation. Which is okay, sometimes it's nice to share information and such, especially with people I've known for a long time. But then some geyser groupies sees us there, and settles in too. That in turn attracts other groupies, and various hangers-on, and suddenly I'm in the middle of a noisy bunch of people who are more interested in gossipy socializing than in the geysers, and many of whom I don't even know.

This last Tuesday was the worst, especially for so early in a season. The only people I really know of that bunch are Jim and Tara, and they start to appear at just as I make a quick check of the WTriplet water level (which I forgot to do while I was dodging bison just to get there). I return and not only have people usurped my location, but there are various tourons who've attached themselves to that group. I had to blow up, because quite frankly, these people are too oblivious and having too good a time to realize what they are doing.

To those of you who claim you've tried "to be my friend" and failed, here's some advice: sit down and shut up. I realize quietly sitting is as hard for most two-year-olds as it is for most groupies, but you'd earn some respect if you did. Here's some more: sit-down and shut up and wait in the rain. Not a storm that catches you off guard during a long Grand wait, (which you are at only because there nothing to see in the Lower Basin) but actually going out in less than ideal conditions. Or,how about being out and about before I, or anyone else, gets to a location? Show that you are actually interested in geysers as a phenomena, not as an excuse to socialize.

So I'm going to hurt some people's feelings with all this. Guess what? I no longer care. I've tried being nice to people who haven't been nice to me, I've tried to avoid them, and I've tried to be less than friendly, and nothing has worked. So if I develop a reputation that causes geyser groupies to want to avoid me, then I'll say that I've succeeded in this year's project. (And those others of you who want to also avoid the groupies, and I know who some of you are, you are welcome to join me any time, just don't become like them in the process.)